Dr. John ‘Bailey’ Molineux II
Bailey Molineux, age 78, died Thursday, after a long and painful struggle with Parkinson’s disease. He is survived by his wife Mary Anne, son John (Aksha), daughter Alexis, and grandchildren Xander and Lily.
Born in Metuchen, NJ, the son of a judge, he was captain of his football team, and voted most popular. He used to say he was a “big fish in a small pond”–until he attended Middlebury College, where he would made lifelong friends, who would always call him “Mole.” In the late 1960s he headed west (he would often recall being at first “terrified” by the open space of the plains) and would go on to receive a PhD in psychology from the University of Montana, where he met his wife Mary Anne.
Bailey was a supportive and loving father, who taught his children to love learning and the outdoors, to apologize, forgive, and talk through their problems. He believed in education, and made sacrifices to pay for his children’s college, and to make sure he would never be a burden on them. He always made it clear that he loved and supported them whatever they chose to be.
Bailey practiced child and family counseling for most of his adult life, and in later years he would frequently run into former clients who would share what an impact he made in their lives. He was the author of two books and for many years an IR column “The Good Enough Family.” For several years he taught psychology at Carroll College.
Bailey loved classical music, theater, opera, history, and the outdoors. He had “over twenty good years of backpacking,” and participated in “life long sports”–skiing, tennis, and golf–until in his later years he was robbed by his disease of the joy of physical recreation. He became an avid Carroll College football fan late in his life.
A lifelong skeptic, he was well-read, intellectual, and dabbled in Buddhism. A child of the 60’s, he supported liberal causes, and fancied himself a “troublemaker for good causes.” But the driving force was a rage–against war, tyrants, injustice, and the God who made or allowed it all.
He claimed that God had once spoken to him in an audible voice, saying “I love you, Bailey.” He had replied with “What about those people in Bangladesh?” “I loved them too, and I was with them,” was God’s reply. It did not satisfy him. He spent his adult life at once disbelieving and raging at Him–over the “problem of pain”–the injustice in the world, and the pain of his Parkinson’s disease. His struggle with it was terrible. He often wanted to die and compared his body to a torture chamber. He once said that maybe God had given him Parkinson’s because He knew he could handle it, citing Hebrews 12: “Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.”
Beneath the rage was a soft heart–ready to cry at a goodbye or reunion with his loved ones, the joy of his grandchildren, the sight of the wife he adored, or in a genuine and childlike apology. In the last stage of his life, he made his peace with God, and joined the Catholic Church.
Bailey was never one much for gifts, and in lieu of memorial gifts, the family suggests he would prefer that others make trouble for the sake of a good cause, or rage against the injustice of the world.
The family will receive friends from 4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. on Tuesday, August 7th at Anderson Stevenson Wilke Funeral Home, 3750 N. Montana Ave. A funeral Mass will be celebrated at 12:00 p.m. on Wednesday, August 8th at the Cathedral of St. Helena, 530 N. Ewing Street. Interment will follow the Mass at Resurrection Cemetery. A reception will follow the Interment in the social hall at Anderson Stevenson Wilke Funeral Home. Please visit below to offer a condolence to the family or to share a memory of Bailey.
Service Schedule
Family Receiving Friends
4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.
Tuesday August 7, 2018
Anderson Stevenson Wilke Funeral Home
3750 N. Montana Ave.
Helena, Montana 59602
Funeral Mass
12:00 p.m.
Wednesday August 8, 2018
Cathedral of St. Helena
530 N. Ewing
Helena, Montana 59601
Rite of Committal
After the Mass
Wednesday August 8, 2018
Resurrection Cemetery
Helena, Montana 59602
Reception
After the Burial
Wednesday August 8, 2018
Social Hall of Anderson Stevenson Wilke Funeral Home
3750 N. Montana Ave.
Helena, Montana 59602
Service Schedule
Family Receiving Friends
4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.
Tuesday August 7, 2018
Anderson Stevenson Wilke Funeral Home
3750 N. Montana Ave.
Helena, Montana 59602
Funeral Mass
12:00 p.m.
Wednesday August 8, 2018
Cathedral of St. Helena
530 N. Ewing
Helena, Montana 59601
Rite of Committal
After the Mass
Wednesday August 8, 2018
Resurrection Cemetery
Helena, Montana 59602
Reception
After the Burial
Wednesday August 8, 2018
Social Hall of Anderson Stevenson Wilke Funeral Home
3750 N. Montana Ave.
Helena, Montana 59602
Share
Nancy Aagenes says
Oh dear Alexis and family. Such a tender and meaningful time. We are all holding you.
Kelsey Lee says
To the family of John ‘Bailey’ Molineux,
I am sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in knowing that “Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; He saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18) With sympathy,
Ingrid says
Alexis, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family . I know saying goodbye is a painful part of living a full life. It sounds like we were both blessed with great dads! Please reach out if there is anything I can do to help.
? Ingrid
Doris Romanisko says
My heart shares your sadness, while my spirit celebrates your father’s life…and some of his rage.
Jim Benish says
What a brilliant, wonderful man, who touched many lives. He contributed so much to the Helena community. He was a darn good tennis player too!
tom ch;erries says
a great member of the Mental Health “family” good articles in the paper and a regular contributor to the Commonweal. our community’s Loss.
Cherry family
Molly christensen says
I’m so dearly sorry for your loss. Holding you close to my heart.
Natalie Long says
I have many, many wonderful memories of Bailey and your family Alexis, John and Mary Anne from such a young age. It was a joy to spend so much of my childhood with your family. May God hold you close and lift you up during this difficult time. Much love.
Chuck Gately says
BAILEY and I were friends for 60 years, having met our first year of college. We stayed connected with annual ski trips and, for 15 years, his biannual visits to a Parkinson’s specialist at Rush University Hospital in Chicago.
He often expressed that Mary Anne was his rock, how proud he was of Alexis and John, and his love for his grandchildren.
R.I.P. Mole Man!
Shelley Lines says
Dr. Molineaux turned my sadness around to understanding, as the gov. agency I worked at sent me to him because they thought I was wrong in my thoughts and work processes. Fortunately, I had the chance to tell Dr. Molineaux how much he had helped me by agreeing with and understanding my frustrations and feelings as the arrows of accusations made me think something was wrong with me. At the time I met him he was suffering from Parkinson’s but still working. He restored my faith in myself and my values and helped me understand the mentality of bureaucracy as he, too, had tried to work within a bureaucracy and found it disappointing. For over 10 years I have used the wisdom he shared and I shared it with others. He was a blessing to me and the world. I hope he knew.
Mark Mozer says
My first memory of Bailey was from 1968; I was very stressed, entering grad school with basically no psychology background. I took his reassurances to heart. We had many good times at snow bowl, later backpacking. I recall a time when we skied down the steep trail off Skihi peak: his dog, Charlie, became so balled up with sticky spring snow that he couldn’t move. Bailey skied down the very difficult trail with Charlie draped across his shoulders. May God bless all of you, in your time of sorrow.
Donna Erwin says
Thank you, Bailey, for leaving your greatest legacy–John and Alexis. They are wonderful, caring people who will share their love and talents with the world as you have taught them. You leave the world a better place because you were here!
Chris Ahner says
Dear John, Mary Anne and family,
Ahner hearts and prayers are especially with you during this time. Bailey’s influence in John’s life also transferred into a tremendous influence on many other lives and especially Travis’s and our family. The memories the boys shared together in turn have made them the fun wonderful fathers they have become to their children. That legacy will be passed on for generations and will continue to touch lives. I especially remember the videos the boys made, their winter campouts, spring floats down Ten Mile Creek, recording music. They have so many adventures to hold in their hearts forever.
Our mother-son campouts, sitting around the campfire playing truth or dare were such special bonding times. One of my favorite memories was when John and Travis took their mom’s flyfishing. Mary Anne and I sat on the bank, had a beer, smoked a Swisher Sweet while watching our boys fly fish. How precious was that.
Bailey will be alive in our Memories Forever. We send our love to all of you.
The Ahner family
Sue Jackson says
Mary Anne, I was so sorry to hear that you lost your loving companion at such a young age. I remember reading his column’s and admiring the thought of “the good enough family” for none of us are perfect if we even can find a definition for that. I know you’ll miss him dreadfully. Your friend from long ago, Sue Jackson
Jim Coward says
Bailey and I both attended Middlebury College and were lifelong friends, enjoying skiing, hiking, and politics. Together with Chuck Gately, we enjoyed many western ski trips with other Middlebury alums. One of the most memorable events for me was, following diagnosis and early treatment for Parkinson’s Disease, Mole navigated the steep slope below the Avanti lift at Vail on a sled tethered to an instructor. He did so with great enthusiasm and I can still see his smile from ear to ear! Many great times together! RIP Mole.
Claudia Montagne says
Dear Mary Anne, Alexis and John, Bailey, your beloved husband and father, made an enormous difference in my life in 1978 when I took a course from him at Carroll College on different approaches to psychology and therapy. He led the class with warmth, humor, and compassion, and involved all of us experientially in the learning. And then – a thunderbolt – he opened my eyes to a life I had not known existed. A natural teacher and therapist, I am sure many benefited from his tender care. and were forever changed. I will never forget him. Your loss is extraordinary and beyond words; I hope you can find solace in what appears to be his readiness to let go of his life. Please accept my sincere condolences. Claudia Montagne
Tina Stewart says
He was any incredible man. Im so sorry for your loss.
Jerry Davis says
Dear Mary Anne,
I am deeply saddened by Bailey’s passing. I simply found out by checking up on Montana and you folks this morning 11?1820 and missed you folks often as I thought about all of the great times we had in Vermont and JSC. My condolences to your Family and Bailey is missed, that is for sure. bBess you Mary Anne and I sincerely hope that you are doing ok and well as I write.