Raymond Crump Howard, age 78, of Helena

My name is Raymond Crump Howard and after 78 years of life my journey ended at 8:27 p.m. on Monday, November 4, 2013 at my home in Helena, Montana. I was surrounded by my wife, Charlene and daughter, Nava as I took my last breaths. I fought the good fight until it was time to go. One of the advantages of being in Hospice… is that you have time to write your own obituary.  Working on this obituary has been a highly emotional journey that is now coming to an end. The journey being a review of my 78 years of life, all my experiences and the people I have known.  At times, it has been hard for me to keep information on events and people straight. Suddenly, all the events in my life are coming together and the end is approaching rather quickly.  I want to say to my family, friends and other folks that may know me (or have some interest in me) that you have been an incredible part of my life individually and as a group.

In 2006, I first entered Hospice and thanks to the excellent care I received from my caregivers, I was able to “graduate” in 2007. Hospice gave me five additional years of relative good health. My family and I valued those five years to the maximum. We had time to watch old movies, enjoy good food, hold hands, go for long drives, late night conversations, write letters, laugh and cry. In July 2012, my health deteriorated greatly and I re-entered Hospice.  The daily care provided by Hospice allowed me to remain at home with my loved ones until the end. My family and I are very grateful to our “team” of caregivers that have been with us during the past twelve years !         (Dr. Shari Marx, Dr. Krause, Dr. Hull, Dr. Heetderks, Dr. Skillman and Dana Hillyer, Pat Trafton, Dr. Mike Emerson   and Rocky Mountain Hospice staff, David Klein, Tai Jasmin, Teresa Monson, Jeni Leary,  Louis & our angel, Chante Cooper).

Now, let me tell you about my family growing up.  I was born on February 20, 1935 in Helena to Norman Crump and Dorothy (Watts) Howard.  My brother, Bob was six years old when I was born and four years later our “baby” sister, Dorothy joined the family.  Bob was a brother, that we younger kids growing up in Helena could always count on. Bob was an Eagle Scout and a talented musician. He learned his first music on the harmonica from an elderly music teacher in Helena named, “Daddy Reeves”. Bob became an outstanding musician, going from harmonica to trumpet and almost every other instrument. Later, as a young adult, my brother played with some famous band leaders on the west coast, including Quincy Jones. The first time I saw my baby sister, “Donnie” was two days after she was born. The nurse was carrying my new sister out of the hospital, followed by my mother in a wheel chair heading for the car to go home. After my mother and sister were settled in the back seat, I remember asking my mother, “Can I see my baby sister?”  My mother gently pulled the blanket off her face and I saw this tiny human being… my little sister!  Through the course of our lives… we siblings became separated in our living arrangements for long periods of time after our parent’s divorce. In 1974, I moved to San Diego and FINALLY my sister and I were living in the same state.  We began seeing each other almost every weekend for family gatherings.

Norman Howard was my father and a best friend. He was a gentle, soft spoken gentleman. I remember as a young child and as an adult that others would seek out dad for advice, information and support. Dad always responded without encroaching on their dignity or the privacy of their lives. Norman Crump Howard was a powerful role model for each of his three children. My dad’s advice and influence remain one of the greatest gifts in my life.  Dad died in 1990 at age, eighty-seven.  

 My mother, Dorothy (Watts) was born in Kewanee, Illinois.  She and her two older brothers, Buster & Brady Watts left Illinois as teenagers to move to Billings and live with our grandparents, Edna & Ray Brown. Mom was a beautiful, vivacious young woman.  Dorothy expected honesty from her children and to always hold our head high with pride in ourselves and family.  I remember as a young child when our parents were still together our happy times as a family.  Often, mom would find various books in our home that she would select and encourage me to read. Once, she brought home a violin for me to learn to play. She also encouraged me to take dance lessons because my legs were so long. Tears come to my eyes as I remember the gentle, loving mother Dorothy was to me. My parents divorced in 1944. My mother died in 1980 at age, seventy-two.

 In 1946, dad married my step-mother, Maxine Elliot Ladd. As a result of the marriage, Delmer & Chuck Ladd became my step-brothers!  Maxine would be my stepmother for 53 years until her death in 1999 at age, ninety-three. She was a loving and supportive step-mother. Maxine Elliot was born in Iowa in 1906. She lived a life full of challenges and adventures. Both of Maxine’s parents died within a year of each other when Maxine was age six. She and her younger brother, Elmer were taken in by a great-aunt and uncle. Beginning in her teenage years, Maxine was active in the Montana Federation of Negro Women’s Club. She enjoyed lifelong friendships with other black teens throughout Montana. Her best friends were Norman Howard and Dorothy Watts. Later, she would be the maid of honor at the wedding of my parents, Norman & Dorothy Howard in 1927.  In 1944, Norman Howard, now divorced renewed his friendship with widow, Maxine Ladd and they married in 1946.  My dad and step-mother were married forty-four years!  In retirement, my parents traveled extensively throughout the world with various Montana senior citizen groups.

 During the first years of my life, we all lived at the family home at 1003 9th avenue. This home remained in our family for 107 years, until I sold the house in 1992. My great-great grandparents, James Wesley & Clarissa (Powell) Crump built the family home in 1885. As a child, I was very curious about my Crump ancestors and wanted to learn everything about them. Clarissa Crump was born in 1854 in Virginia of slave parents and at age 11 brought by her owners, Philip E. & Mary (Powell) Evans into Montana territory. My great-great grandmother was eighty-one years old when I was born in 1935. Clarissa lived until I was six years old and I was fortunate to know her.  My great-great grandfather, James Crump was born a free black in 1847 in Jackson County, Missouri and was a Civil War veteran. James & Clarissa Crump are buried at Forestvale Cemetery in Helena, next to their two daughters (Emma & Clarinda) and granddaughter (Naomi).

My parents always worked multiple jobs when I was growing up. They worked several jobs to get by financially. It taught me as a young person, that there was nothing wrong with hard work and multiple jobs. I believed that it was expected and the normal way to live. As a young kid, I always worked. It didn’t seem right not to work whether I was living with mom in California or with dad in Montana. In 3rd grade, as part of the war effort during WWII, I collected scrap iron house to house and delivered it to a local collection site to be weighed. I worked as a shoe shine boy at a barber shop, a newspaper boy, mowed lawns and worked briefly as a “pin setter” at a bowling alley. In California, I found work as a newspaper boy…selling papers at the intersection of Beverly and Vermont Avenue. This job involved being able to think fast AND move quickly. When cars stopped at the intersection light, we boys needed to hustle out to the cars to make a sale. Once the light turned green….we hustled back to the curb to get away from the speeding cars and buses. In California, I worked as a “hod carrier” for two weeks at a construction site in Los Angeles where workers were laying bricks. I was fitted with a “shoulder box” loaded with liquid cement, then carried the cement to wherever it was needed by the workers. I would tip my shoulder box down so the liquid cement would pour to seal the bricks. Then, I hurried back for another load. This was hard work, but good pay for a ten year old. I took my earnings home to my mother.  Looking back, it seems amazing that a ten year old child could actually be hired during school hours AND for this kind of work. But, it happened!

I attended Jefferson School in 4th grade and Central School in 5th, 7th and 8th grade.  I attended Helena High School and graduated with the class of 1953. I met life-long friends at these schools. I started 4th grade in California and finished 4th grade at Jefferson School where I met Nancy Matthews. I had enrolled during the winter season and I remember going out for recess not knowing anyone. Up to this point, I had mostly negative experiences in schools. Suddenly, this young girl (Nancy) comes up to me and says, “Raymond, would you like to go down the toboggan with us?”  Heck, I didn’t even know what a toboggan was, but I said, “Sure!” and away we went. Nancy and I developed a lasting friendship!     

At Central School I met the Burner twins, Morris and Max. After school, I would go to their house from time to time and they would also come to my house.  At this time, dad and I were living as “bachelors” at our home on 9th avenue. Each afternoon, before leaving home for his night job, dad would leave a prepared dinner in the oven for me. One evening, dad left a nice ham in the oven and all I had to do was warm up dinner and eat. When Morris and Max came over that evening to visit….they found the ham in the oven. The twins decided to play “hide & seek” with my supper. I started chasing them all over the neighborhood to get my ham back. I kept calling out, “Give me back my supper, that’s my supper!” The twins were throwing the ham back and forth to each other. One time, they dropped the ham on the ground and when they picked it up, the ham was covered with grass. Eventually, Morris and Max got tired of me chasing them. So, they tossed the ham back to me. We were just friends having fun… and YES, I did eat the ham for dinner!  In elementary school, I also met Bob Turnbull, “Spud” Larson and Carl Clinton. On Saturdays, we would meet up with Morris and Max Burner at the downtown YMCA. We would all spend the day at the Y shooting pool, swimming, boxing and playing ping pong. At lunch time we would go out for a hamburger and then return to the Y until it closed. Good times!

Basketball was always a big part of my life- both at Helena High and later at the University of Montana. But, my introduction to basketball started at the 7th Avenue gym when I was in junior high.  Lloyd Skor, the Helena High basketball coach was a LEGEND to many of us kids. Coach Skor walked on water!  One day, we junior high kids heard through the “grapevine” that Lloyd Skor was coming down to the 7th Avenue gym to look at us. Just to look at us…..to see what kind of prospects there might be for the high school basketball team.  Our tongues were hanging out when we heard he was coming. Some of us kids were thinking that maybe we wouldn’t even show up at the gym that day. We were just a bunch of kids.  We were ready to “crap” our pants….and maybe some of us did.  Finally, the day came and we were out on the court with our junior high coach. We looked up into the stands and there sat Coach Skor.  It seemed to us that a “big light” was shining on him. I think I started stumbling over the lines on the floor. Eventually, he was introduced to us and he was a very nice man.  BUT, he was still Lloyd Skor and we were a bunch of screwballs. After he met us, Coach Skor left and went back to his place in heaven somewhere.                                                                            

 We had 8th grade basketball teams at Central, Bryant and Hawthorne schools. At this age, our bodies were physically changing and we were getting taller. In 1950, when I entered Helena High we had a freshman basketball team and as I was about 10 feet tall I made the team.  I didn’t really want to be out on the court, the main reason I went out for the team was because some of my friends were doing so. At this period of time, I was just a follower in athletics. I had been surprised when I made the freshman team.  I was hustling all the time and on the floor going for the ball. I remember that I felt very awkward with my body. But, I could get the ball in the hoop from time to time and I could block a shot and rebound….you know, all the elementary things. At the time, the ability to do these things didn’t seem important to me.  But, it was fun to be playing with Vince Kelleher, Jack Darfler and Carl Clinton who was SUPERMAN as a freshman.  The following year, as a sophomore, I was about 6ft 4in, but I wasn’t putting on much weight no matter how much I ate.  I was still a skinny black kid.  This is what they called me one time in the Butte newspaper. I was a sophomore on the varsity team and I was put into the game (against Butte) as a substitute. I made about eight points in the brief time I was in the game. Later, the Butte paper wrote about the game and mentioned me saying, “It looks like Helena has great promise with a very slender, Negro boy, Ray Howard”. So, I had scored enough points to make the newspaper. In my junior year at Helena High, I was about 6ft 6in and still uncoordinated, but somehow I was a starter on the team. I wasn’t the best ball player in my mind, but I was having fun. Playing basketball in my junior year was different, because I had grown to love basketball. I was starting to look forward to playing basketball. My feelings about the game had changed and my love of basketball continued later at the University of Montana.  I was a member of the “Fabulous Frosh” team of 1953-54 at the University of Montana. Our basketball team was a collection of 14 players all Montana high school graduates. We were a tight knit group and “we learned a lot from each other, both from our weaknesses and our strengths”. Members of the 1953-54 “Fabulous Frosh” team included: Rudolph “Zip” Roades, Al Dunham, Merritt “Lefty” Monson, Maury Colberg, Jim Peterson, Pete Muri, Conrad “Connie” Orr, Bobby Powel, Dan Freund and myself.     

During my junior year at University of Montana, I met Marylou Crowley from Three Forks, Montana.  Marylou was attending nursing school in Missoula. Her parents were Mary Jane and Bill Crowley who had a ranch below the Madison Valley Buffalo Jump where Marylou and her three siblings were raised.  In 1957, we were married in Big Timber, Montana. Four wonderful sons were born to this marriage, Anthony Raymond, Michael Crump, Jeffrey David and Joel Wendell.  I graduated from U of M in 1958 and we soon moved to Red Deer, Canada where I had been hired as a high school teacher, coach and part-time counselor. Our first son, Tony was an infant when we moved to Canada. I loved Canada and for a time considered applying for Canadian citizenship. Our son, Michael was born in Missoula and sons, Jeff & Joel were born in Dillon. During our marriage, our family lived in Montana, Iowa and South Dakota based on where job opportunities in my field were offered. Marylou and I were divorced in 1970.  

In 1958, after graduation from the University of Montana, I continued my education. I received master’s degrees in Education and Psychology and a Ph.D. in Educational Psychology from the University of South Dakota.  I worked various positions in the education field and as Professor at the University of Northern Colorado and Professor at San Diego State University in the Departments of Counseling and School Psychology.

In 1976, I met my love, Charlene Cruz Nava.  It was love at first sight when I met Charlene. This year we celebrated our 33rd wedding anniversary!  Our wonderful daughter, Nava Cruzita was born in 1980.  We enjoyed living in San Diego with all the activities available in a big city. For a time, we lived in Pacific Beach and had an apartment three blocks from the ocean.  We would walk or ride our bikes down to the beach each day after work.  There were many small hamburger and taco stands on the “boardwalk” and we would have dinner right on the beach.  Often, we would stay to see the sun set, before heading home.  Later, after Nava was born we continued our routine of heading to the beach each evening.  Only now, we traveled with a baby stroller or with Nava buckled into the child seat on my bike. Our older sons, Michael, Jeff and Joel came often to visit and sometimes lived with us at our beach apartment. This was a special time for our sons to get to know their little sister, Nava.

In 1990, I retired from San Diego State University and our family (Charlene, Nava & I) moved to Helena.  I was happy to be back home and we looked forward to spending time with our Montana family. We had a home on Hauser Lake and hosted many, many family gatherings. The family would come from all parts of Montana for our July 4th gatherings. Our visitors brought dogs, boats, tents… for the weekend.  Sometimes, family members invited their friends to come.  We had room for everyone. Every once in a while, one of the young kids would come up to me and ask, “Uncle Ray, where can I pee?”  And, I would answer, “See that big tree over there?  That’s a good spot”.  Everyone brought their own fireworks, so we had fireworks throughout the night.  It was a beautiful sight, up and down the lake because each family was setting off their own fireworks. Later, Charlene and I would get into our pontoon boat and head out toward the Lakeside Bar where they would be starting their own fireworks.  We would park ourselves somewhere on the lake with the sound of the water splashing up against the pontoon boat. We would be sitting there drinking some beer, enjoying the night.  Just the two of us, Charlene and I.

Caring for a loved one with a terminal illness certainly challenges a family.  Living with my terminal illness has given me the opportunity to think about what is really important in life-which is spending time with family and friends. It is with sadness that I leave you. There is still so much I want to do. I want to grow old(er) with my best friend and wife, Charlene. I want to watch my grandchildren and great-grandchildren through the years. Through Hospice, I have come to accept what I could not change. I am now at peace. 

 I was predeceased by my parents, Norman and Dorothy Howard and step-mother, Maxine Ladd Howard;  my brothers, Norman Robert Howard, Delmer & Charles Henry Ladd; my mother-in-law, Guadalupe Nava; and our three sons, Anthony Raymond Howard (in 1976), Michael Crump Howard (in 2002) and Joel Wendell Howard (in 2002). 

I am survived by my wife, Charlene Cruz Nava of Helena; (2) children, daughter, Nava (Jake) Connor of Helena and son, Jeff (Patty) Howard of Belgrade; (2) daughter-in-laws, Jenny (Dave) Zito of Hamilton and Kay (Bob) Fox of Helena; my sister, Donnie Scott of Las Vegas and her (4) children, Zoe, Lori, Bobby and Edward; My brother, Bob Howard’s (3) children, Andy Sr, of Texas and Quincy & Haley of Washington; my father-in-law, Charles Nava and (2) sisters-in-law, Geri Nava, Marlene (Larry) Ruiz and our large Connor/Grovom family in Helena. I am survived by (9) wonderful grandchildren; Brittni (Brandon) Howard/Gonzalez of Arizona, Krista (Chad) Cole of Bozeman, Siena and Phoebe Howard of Hamilton, Stephanie & Nicholas Howard of Belgrade, Lexi Connor of Washington, Paetyn and Caprice Connor of Helena;  I am also survived by (2) amazing great-grandchildren, Kareena Howard of Arizona and Caiden Cole of Bozeman.  

A celebration to celebrate my life will take place at Anderson Stevenson Wilke Funeral Home, 3750 N. Montana, at noon/ on Friday, January 24, 2014. A reception will be held in the social hall of Anderson Stevenson Wilke Funeral Home after the service. The family suggests, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to God’s Love in Helena or to the Humane Society in Helena.  

Service Schedule

Visitation

9:00 a.m to 4:00 p.m

Friday November 8, 2013

Anderson Sevenson Wilke Funeral Home

3750 North montana

Helena , Mt 59601

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Memorial Service

12:00 p.m.

Friday January 24, 2014

Anderson Stevenson Wilke Funeral Home

3750 North Motana

Helena , Montana 59601

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Reception

Following the memorial service

Saturday January 24, 0201

Anderson Stevenson Wilke Funeral Home

3750 N. Montana Ave

Helena, MT 59602

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