Ronald James (RJ) McNeil, 52, of Helena, Montana, passed away at home on Saturday, June 28th, 2025, following a two-year battle with cancer. RJ was consistently described as a kind, respectful, patient, selfless, and reliable man by the people who knew him. He was a loving husband, father, son, brother, and friend.
RJ was born in Helena, Montana on April 8th, 1973, to parents Dwayne and Yvonne McNeil. His family, including his parents and brothers, John and Paul Toccafondo, lived on Douglas Circle, a place RJ always spoke of fondly. He spent much of his childhood playing outside at Douglas Circle as well as at Jim Darcy Elementary School. The friends he made as a child developed into lifelong friendships. RJ completed middle school at CR Anderson and went on to graduate from Capital High School in 1991. He continued his education at Gonzaga University for a short time, before transferring to Carroll College to complete his bachelor’s degree in biology. During this time, he worked at East Side Animal Clinic where he was able to apply his deep love for animals.
RJ met Heather Lewis in 1997 at a mutual friend’s bachelorette party, and they went on to marry in 2001. RJ and Heather were each other’s one and only, and together they welcomed four children – Mitchell, Maddie, Jack, and Erin McNeil. RJ worked at the Lewis and Clark County Courthouse as a Court Services Officer, a career he enjoyed for 24 years. Additionally, RJ was steady in his faith and was a dedicated church member, volunteering much of his time teaching Sunday School and leading AWANA at Life Covenant Church. In 2023, RJ was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, a spindle cell variant of rhabdomyosarcoma. Even during his fight against cancer, including when he lost his ability to speak, RJ continued to prioritize his children by playing games, completing puzzles, and watching game shows or his favorite sports teams together. Go Mariners and Steelers!
RJ golfed for the majority of his life. He was a part of the Broadway Bombers men’s league golf team for over 15 years, maintaining his role as a captain even following his cancer diagnosis. For years, RJ was dedicated to his men’s Bible study group and was steadfast in his desire to gather and share meaningful conversation. He was an avid birdwatcher, and would take the time to identify any unfamiliar chirp or tweet when he was out and about. RJ was a lifelong learner and spent much of his time reading books, looking up unfamiliar words in the giant dictionary he lugged around, and identifying passing planes or new flora and fauna using a variety of his favorite apps. The McNeil home was never quiet, as RJ was always playing music, eventually adding his kids’ favorite artists to his own collection. And finally, RJ’s love for photography was a gift to all who knew him. He captured each and every moment, leaving a legacy in images.
Above all else, RJ’s greatest gifts in life were his children and wife, and his greatest joy was to simply spend time with his family. He taught each of his children to ski during trips to Whitefish, often skiing backwards to capture their budding skills on film. RJ always looked forward to the annual summer week in Big Sky, eating Yeti dogs, enjoying the lake, and exploring the area hiking or driving through Yellowstone. As much fun as these trips were, RJ didn’t need to leave home to ensure he made the most of every moment with his kids. Many of his weekends were spent at the baseball diamond, in the stands of a volleyball court, or listening to piano recitals. He would always let his kids place the final piece of the puzzle or even fix their broken Lego sets when they were dropped. RJ was the first to ask to play a family board game, would never back down from a folf trip in a thunderstorm, and always said yes to a sweet treat after dinner (especially if it was lemon flavored). He was an amazing, committed husband who always took the time to care for his wife. RJ’s love was loudest in quiet moments with his family, and his steady presence will forever be missed.
RJ was preceded in death by his father Dwayne McNeil, mother Yvonne McNeil, and brother Ken McNeil.
RJ is survived by his wife Heather McNeil; children Mitchell (Kassi) McNeil, Maddie McNeil, Jack McNeil, and Erin McNeil; siblings Wendy (Kent) Shelman, Thomas McNeil, John Toccafondo (Lissa Huntington), and Paul (Liz) Toccafondo; sister-in-law Catherine McNeil; brother-in-law Scott (Carmen) Lewis and sister-in-law Kellie (Peter) McBride; father-in-law and mother-in-law Larry and Karen Lewis; numerous nieces and nephews; and beloved pets Dash, Vi, Eddie, and Momo.
RJ’s family would like to thank his care team at St. Peter’s Health for their unwavering support throughout his cancer journey. RJ continued to find comfort in their care up until his final day.
A funeral will be held at Life Covenant Church on Tuesday, July 8th, at 11:00 AM with visitation beginning at 10:00 AM. A reception will be held at Life Covenant Church immediately after the service. Following the reception, a graveside service will be held at Forestvale Cemetery. Please visit www.aswfuneralhome.com to share condolences and memories of RJ.
In lieu of flowers, please consider donating to Angel Fund Helena to support local youth or to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.
Service Schedule
Visitation
10:00am to 11:00 am
Tuesday July 8, 2025
Life Covenant Church
800 N Hoback Street
Helena, MT 59601
Funeral Service
11:00am
Tuesday July 8, 2025
Life Covenant Church
800 N Hoback Street
Helena, MT 59601
Reception
Following the Service
Tuesday July 8, 2025
Life Covenant Church
800 N Hoback Street
Helena, MT 59601
Burial
Following the Reception
Tuesday July 8, 2025
Forestvale Cemetery
490 Forestvale Road
Helena, MT 59602
Service Schedule
Visitation
10:00am to 11:00 am
Tuesday July 8, 2025
Life Covenant Church
800 N Hoback Street
Helena, MT 59601
Funeral Service
11:00am
Tuesday July 8, 2025
Life Covenant Church
800 N Hoback Street
Helena, MT 59601
Reception
Following the Service
Tuesday July 8, 2025
Life Covenant Church
800 N Hoback Street
Helena, MT 59601
Burial
Following the Reception
Tuesday July 8, 2025
Forestvale Cemetery
490 Forestvale Road
Helena, MT 59602
Share
Valerie Armstrong says
Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. RJ was a truly special person, and I feel lucky to have known him. Sending you and your family my heartfelt prayers.
Darby Larson (Revious) says
I am so sorry for you loss. I’ve known RJ my entire life and even had the honor of working with him for several year. Many fond memories. Sending love and prayers.
Geru Colvin says
Love and prayers sent heavenward. RJ was a wonderful person. I was fortunate to work with him and to call him a friend. Blessings of comfort sent for your family
Nikki Johnson says
So heartbroken over your family’s loss and the loss to our court community. RJ was one of a kind, a truly good human and he will be sorely missed. Please know we are all thinking of you during this difficult time. May your memories bring you some peace.
Sincerely- Nikki Johnson
Kristina Alvarado says
Sorry for Loss You have my Deepest condolences RJ was a really amazing great Person .I didn’t know him very well Honestly , Only from community Service an he was humble enough to get the point straight across with respect an that’s how I’ll remember him being Kind
Kelly Brown says
I’m so sorry to hear this. I worked with RJ for a short time, but we quickly became friends. He had such a kind heart and a great sense of humor. I feel lucky to have known him. Sending love and strength to his family and everyone who loved him.
Kris Inabnit says
We are so sadden by the passing of RJ. He grew up on the North Hill neighborhood. He was lovved by all. Deepest condolences to the family.
Ken and Kris Inabnit and family.
Megan S. says
I am so sorry to hear this! I got to work with in the same building as him years back, and I was quick to recognize how he went out of his for people and was always so kind to everyone he encountered. My deepest condolences to the family.
Linda Tootell Thomas says
Although it”s been way too many years since we last crossed paths, I remember R.J. very well…fondly, with great respect and many fun, lovely memories. This obituary well captured so much about him. To his family & friends, I’m so sorry for your profound loss. I hope innumerable good memories and the support you share with one another will somehow ease the pain of it all. R.J. knew me as Linda Adams (Erin’s mom)!! Take the best of care. Peace & love, Linda❣️
jeff and melissa sherlock says
I knew R.J. when we both worked at the Courthouse. He was always pleasant and very good at his job. Peace to his family.
Anne Peterson says
McNeil Family,
I am so sorry to hear of R.J.’s passing. Healing thoughts to the whole family. I will remember him as a kind and deeply thoughtful person. I am so grateful I was able to cross paths with him during his service to the County.
Anne Petersson
Bill and Kim Cross says
Our hearts go out to the McNeil and Lewis families and everyone who knew RJ. Church sure won’t be the same without him. Please reach out if we can do anything helpful for you all. We are so sorry for your loss!
Katrina Livesay says
We are so heartbroken for the entire McNeil family and everyone that knew (and loved) him! Heather, Mitchell (and Kassi), Maddie, Jack and Erin – please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you in this time of loss. He was so proud of all of you, and loved talking about each and every one of you. R.J. was one of the best, and will be with you always. I hope you find peace and comfort in remembering all the good times you were fortunate enough to share – he will be truly missed! With love – Katrina, Macy, Gracie, Sophie and Chloey Livesay
Sherri Ohs-Mosley says
Randy and I were shocked to hear of R.J.’s passing. We missed him at church not knowing the circumstances. Our sincere condolences to the family.
StoneCarlsons of Helena says
StoneCarlsons of Helena extend our sincere condolences to the family, all relatives and circle of friends in the passing of RJ.
With parents Yvonne and Dwayne + over the rainbow he is sure to be openly greeted with his heavenly family there.
Our hope is for your strength and may the memories you carry in your hearts cement your faith that you will meet again.
Carol and Carl
John Reddy says
Very sorry to hear about RJ. His mom, Yvonne worked with my dad at the INS office in Helena. I remember RJ as a really nice person.
April Fife says
Heather,
I’m so sorry to hear about RJ. He was such a nice person. I just want you to know that I’m thinking of you, your kids, and extended family. Such a beautiful tribute written about him and the kind of family man he was for you all. Please accept my sincere condolences during this difficult time.
April (Helmbrecht) Fife